the day after

it's one of those days.
the day which follows the day of utterly unbearable restlessness, you wish for the impossible, you sit for hours staring at the words in books you have loved, till you wrench yourself away from even them so you don't do them any harm. people are out of the question. it takes nothing to scare them. you see,.. these monsters have no tragic roots.
these monsters just simply are.
it's the day after one of those days when you don't know what to do with your hands, you feel your sleeves are too short, the shoes are too tight, the lips are too chapped, the music is not right.
yesterday the only thing right was the weather. Because it was the only real thing around.
yesterday the Beatles couldn't do me any good.
yesterday i struggled to be pleasant to all the people who had come and gone leaving a trail of violet dust in their wake
yesterday i wondered if i cared for anything really
yesterday i wondered at the restlessness, i wondered at its doing away with my sleep
yesterday i wondered about all the words stuck in my head with no place to go
yesterday i wondered about patience, and growing trees and families and children and traveling and ovarian in-growths
yesterday i wondered about staring at my ceiling fan through those days of fever, and then shifting to stare at the mosaic floor, le plancher et le plafond, le plafond et puis le plancher
yesterday i wondered at all the paracetamol i popped in so i could get moving again
yesterday i wondered at getting myself taken to the hospital because i couldn't handle my head any longer
yesterday i wondered at hearing from someone that soaring blood pressures also came of eating too much paracetamol
too much paracetamol.
was that what it feels like then ..to have too much paracetamol?
yesterday i wondered at my bag with its paracetamols
yesterday i wondered about how much more i had to travel to put this head at rest
yesterday i realised i wouldn't travel ever if this head were at rest
yesterday i realised i wouldn't pick up a book to read if this head were at rest
yesterday i realised it is this unrest that keeps me going